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It will never be the same without you Mom.

It will never be the same without you Mom.

It seems like ages, but it had only been a year and a month since you left mom. But so many things had happened and so many things are happening since you left us. It’s been difficult, so very difficult. It never got to me, I guess it never will because up until now I still think that your in Brunei, or your just simply in a place that cannot be reached through Facebook and Whatsapp.

Oh how I miss you always flooding me with notifications asking how was school and if I already ate dinner.

I guess what the elders always say are the true and proven that people will realize how much it hurts when they’re not there anymore and when they’re gone. It applies to all things; phone, bag, a favourite hair clip, former lover or an ex. But me, it’s losing more than that. I lost, we lost a friend. No more 20 miscalls from her , no more flooded messages, no more calling me Ate or Te. The simplest things she used to do to me, from showing how much she loves me, showing that she cared, the lambing of a mother that you can’t get anywhere else or from anyone else at all.

She taught me a lot of things. We loved to do a lot of things together as well. Shopping was definitely one of them. Window shopping was an option too. Eating our favourite comfort food together was the best. Oh food. Mom didn’t cook often at home, though when she did. It was just the best. Kare kare was one of those, she wasn’t able to show the exact steps on making it. I try to recall since I was always her assistant in the kitchen. That might be the reason why I have the tendency to like cooking too. She taught me how to bake as well, though I had the initiative to explore more about it and fell in love with it. She taught me how to love myself, and how to learn from my mistakes every time I failed and got hurt. She would always know the right words to say to make me feel better. From my past heartaches to school requirements and deadlines. She’s an amazing person. I could only see her in my dreams.

Ever since she passed, I began to believe that everything happens for a reason. It’s a saying that everyone has heard of, but it never really occurred to me on what it really is, what it really means. Her passing made me more matured, and more independent despite meeting the love of my life a few months before she passed. I learned to appreciate things more, especially on what I have now.

I miss her every single day and fortunately dream of her once in a while. No one can ever take her place. I truly believe that she’s my guardian angel. Watching over me right now as I type this, she’s an inspiration to me and to everyone that knows her. She was too young to be taken away from us at the age of 55.

I miss you everyday Ma

Love, Kath.

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